Duane and I had the honor of attending the most incredible memorial service we have ever seen yesterday. Our son in laws mother passed into glory after after being diagnosed with cancer last month. For three hours we heard story after story about this amazing lady. Her legacy leaves a rippling effect far beyond the ten children she birthed. She poured her life out for her children and then for her grandchildren but she didn't stop there. She lived by the verse "Let the little children come" and as children came into her life she loved them and poured her life back into theirs. She served her family, she served her Awana children, she served the Chinese church here, and she served anyone and everyone that came across her path. She served.
As Duane and I looked around at the packed church with close to 400 people and standing room only we were in awe. All these people were here because her life touched theirs. Her small frame, maybe only 5ft tall, left a legacy that filled this church to the rim!
The entire drive home we talked about this service. Arlene wasn't anyone famous, she didn't live her life in the public forum but lived her life behind the scenes serving the Lord Jesus and serving others. She was welcomed into heaven and heard the Lord say, "Well done they good and faithful servant". 

Legacy....

It's a word that I chose last year to strive towards. I don't just want to live life I want to live a legacy life. Duane and I talked on the way home and wondered what our memorials would look like. Are we touching more lives than just our own family. Are we serving like we could be?
One of the most powerful quotes I heard yesterday was..
"You're not ready to live this life until you're ready to leave this life."
Am I living this life like I am ready to leave this life?
We have never walked away from a memorial service so amazed and inspired. I wish I had been blessed with more time to know this precious lady and learn from her. Heaven is rejoicing with her presence today and those here are encouraged and spurred on to live this life differently, to live a life of servanthood, to love unconditionally, to let our lives decrease so that His may increase, and we are reminded that we are to live a life the world views as backwards. The world says to strive to be greater but God says, the first will be last and the last will be first. I want to live backwards. I want to love hard and love all. I want to serve unconditionally. I want to live this life like I am ready to leave this life.❤

Memories

The other night my son pulled up my blog and we sat and had a walk thru memory lane. I started this blog in 2008. In the nine years since I've had three more babies, we've had three children move out, two get married, four grandbabies were added, we endured years of chronic illness and the stress that comes with that, we will soon have our fifth high school graduate, we started a home based business, and we relocated our entire family to a new state. Those are the most memorable and biggest of our memories over the last nine years but there has been so many smaller and equally special memories to fill in the space between.
I am so grateful for memories. The good and the bad. The ones that bring laughter and even more so the ones that still cause the tears to flow. No matter how much suffering you went through, you never want to let go of those memories. The hard times refine you and mold you into who you are even more so than the good times.
As our children grow and one by one leave the nest I find that I am on a mission...a mission to create more memories. To create memories that our children can carry with them as they start their own families, memories that I can think back to when the day comes that the noise and laughter of our busy home quiets down, and memories that can be shared and passed down with the generations to come. I want to create a legacy with our memories.
With 2018 just around the corner I am thinking about the bucket list I want to make for our new year and the memories that are just waiting to be created. I will continue to snap pictures of every smile and laugh and I will look for the moments that need blown on to create the spark that will turn into a fire of memories. We will gather together on Sunday evenings for our family dinners and laugh together, I will document life and I will purpose to create moments that will birth into legacy memories. I will hold the moments, and pursue the little things because these are the things that the greatest memories come from.

“Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.” 
 -- L.M. Montgomery

Let’s make a difference!

No One Else Loves You More

What not to say

Before I ever walked the road of miscarriage I would never know how to comfort a friend who had experienced a loss. What do you say? There is no pat answer to that question as we each respond differently to losing a baby, but I can tell you what not to say.

Please do not say, “At least you have _____ other children.”  It doesn’t matter how many other children I have because there is still a hole in my heart from the one I will never be able to hold. If one of my ten children was taken in a car accident would you say, “At least you have nine other children”? Each child is a special blessing and one does not fill the place of another. Baby number 11 was as special to us as baby number 1 was.

Please do not say, “at least you have children, some women do not.” My heart goes out to those who have not had a baby but that does not help the empty feeling in my womb.

Please do not remind me of all the other blessings in life I have. I am blessed, but I yearn for the blessing that was taken from me. I know I have many other little ones to hold but I miss the one that Jesus is holding for me.

Please do not say, “maybe there was something wrong with the baby.” We were willing to accept this child regardless of what may or may not have been “wrong” with it. The smell of baby skin is the same no matter what the health. When Christians start putting a value on life based on what that quality of life may or may not be, they are no different from people who abort a life because of those same reasons. Jesus said, “let the little children come to me”. He did not put restrictions on that based on what the quality of life of that child is.

Please be wise and gentle with the words you speak to my children. They too had hopes and dreams for this new sibling. My older ones were looking forward to a new baby to snuggle and hold. I realize they are keeping strong for me but underneath they are grieving there own way. I had a little one that was praying to die so they could go to heaven and be with this baby. Please do not say things that will make them pray this more.

If I sound angry with God for allowing my baby to be taken; please do not start preaching God’s goodness and telling me how I need to just accept God’s will. I do accept God’s will and I believe He is as sovereign today as He was last month. Please let me be angry and don’t try to fix what only the Lord can fix. He knows I am but human and He understands that I don’t understand. I am confident that He loves me in spite of my questioning and all the mix of emotions that I’m dealing with.

Please do not rush me in the grieving process. I don’t know how long it will take. His mercies are new every morning and for that I am beyond grateful. Just because we live in a fast paced life, we can not heal in a fast paced way. Healing takes time and sometimes the scars never fade.

Please do not feel the need to try and “fix” things. Again, only the Lord can do that, but offer me a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. I may ramble as I try to make sense of the swirl of thoughts and emotions in my heart and head. Please just listen…and pray.

Being under His wings

“Where are the babies?” I asked as I was french braiding Poppet’s hair.  When Shiro and Bodey are quiet it usually means a calm before the storm.  They own the title “Noise Makers”.

I had put the baby gate up blocking the busy little toddlers from going into the school room while Shadd was working on his school with our tutor, Miss Bev.  Usually they are locked on the inside of this room, not on the outside.

Shayden and Shannen scoured the house looking for our missing babies. We checked the girls clubhouse under the stairs, the pantry, the bathrooms, the boys room, and finally realized they were missing. I dropped Poppet’s braid and ran outside to look. Down the road to my horror were two tiny little images. Shannen and I ran to grab them. They were oblivious to anything. They were having the time of their lives, sun shinning down on them, and enjoying a lovely walk.  When they heard footsteps behind them they looked at us, ignoring the panicked screams they turned and bolted, laughing.

These two little guys were completely oblivious to the fact they had strayed out from under the wings of protection that were designed to keep them safe. They were having a blast! They paid no attention to any cars driving by, people backing out of their driveways, or the fact that anyone could have come by and scooped them up. They could have been separated from us forever!

How many times have I done this with the Lord? Thinking I could do it myself? Walking down the streets of life without being under His wings of protection. For a time it may seem I can do it alone. I don’t need to make it a priority to get up daily and spend time in the word and prayer before I face my day. I don’t need to seek God on everything but rather rely on my own weak wisdom. I am so grateful that my God runs after me and loves me enough to seek me out when I wander.  In the same way that my heart sunk when I saw those two little guys running down the street, how does the Father’s heart feel when I stroll down a path, out from under His wings of protection,  that could be possibly dangerous for me?

Lord, keep me always close to you. Don’t let me stray. Let me make my home deep within your heart and never leave the safety that only you can provide.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge…. 
Psalm 91:4

Mercies in Disguise

It was four weeks ago today that I slowly made my way down the stairs, head pounding and weak, listening to the quiet hushed voices of my husband and children as they tried not to wake me. It almost feels like a dream until I see the cradle set up next to my bed. It has become a resting place for dolls belonging to my sweet little girls. I am leaving it there, praying one day it will be filled with a baby, one not made of plastic and fake hair, but soft, warm, and carrying the scent of heaven.

I am slowly seeing the grace that continually flows from the hand of God. It has taken me a while to see that even the loss of a baby can be showered with His grace and His blessings.

I tend to pray for things that will make my life easy. Isn’t that human nature? Why do I think that when trials in this life come that they are meant to break me and bring me down. I spent two weeks crying out to the Lord and begging for Him so save this baby. I did everything in my human power to prevent a miscarriage. While I may never know this side of heaven what happened, I can still see His grace.

I get so attached to this decaying, dying world and then something happens to remind me that this is not my home. He chose not to heal my body, but He will heal my heart. All the nights after I came home from the hospital, feeling empty in my womb, empty in my heart, sleep running from me, I laid there crying to the Lord. Calling on Him. It took an emptiness to beg for His filling. I’ve been the valley of “dry bones”. (Ezekiel 37) I didn’t see this until now. How does life, life in Him, slip away unnoticed? How did I get so wrapped up in this life that I didn’t see, really see my need for a refilling of His breath?

I was bones, with tendons, flesh, and skin, but the breath was weak, faint. I hear the rattling, the rattling of bones coming together. I feel the flesh and skin being made new. He is exchanging that heart of stone for a heart of flesh.

It took losing a baby to see, to feel, to cry to Him. This is a blessing.  He is healing something  much deeper than a body. Was losing my baby a chance for Him to pull me near, and love on me? The chance for me to hear Him again?  Is this ache in my womb the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy?  Only He can satisfy!

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

My Hope

It’s late, the house quiet. I’m alone, this is rare and these days I’m glad it is. It keeps my mind busy to have someone around me, with me, all the time. I appreciate the chatter and laughter.

I run my bath and lay long watching the tub slowly fill. I stare at my toes peeking out of the water. As the tub fills, I feel it rising in me, that swelling surge of tears. I fight it as I’ve been fighting for the last two weeks. It was easy in the beginning. My body felt weak, broke, and I hurt a physical pain, pain so bad that it drowned out the emotional pain. My head pounded so loud that no thoughts of my baby could come in.

Sleep evaded me and ran from me every time I laid down. I would toss and turn and pray and beg Him for sleep. The glass of red wine at night that I drank for a week would calm me enough to finally fall asleep. My body was so tired and I would try to sleep and then the dreams would come. I would be bleeding, and it wouldn’t stop and then the baby was gone. Every night the same dreams. Lord, cover these dreams, these dreams that torment! Duane would pray over me every night and the Lord heard his prayers.

My body is now healing but now the emotional is trying to come out. This is harder. I would rather push it down and pray time covers over. I’ve been thru this kind of loss before but that doesn’t help. How do I push past and see something good in this? There is good though. God is always good and He is always on the throne. His plans for my life are perfect, He makes no mistakes.

There will always be a piece of my heart that is with that baby and the four before it. My heart was broken, but God’s heart was broken too. I have been given the privilege of allowing this to shape me more into the image of the Lord and once again lean on Him. As I lay in the tub the radio quietly played. All of a sudden I heard the words…

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

As I step over the sleeping bodies of the sweet visitors on my bedroom floor, and climb into bed and feel the warmth of my honeys body, I will fall asleep tonight and listen to the sweet sound of his snoring while playing this song in my mind. Christ is my hope, my all and all. On Christ, my solid Rock, I will stand. The tears will come. The emotions will fill me, but I have hope and I will wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

Mothering

How big of a house do you have??

This is a question that I am almost always asked after people find out we have 10 children, followed by a string of other questions:

 Boy, you’ve got your hands full, don’t you?
Don’t you know what causes that?
Are those ALL your kids?
But you’re stopping now, right?
Don’t you have a TV?
"Don't you think there's enough people in the world?"
"I could never do that, my (one two whatever) make me totally crazy!" (usually right in front of their children)

Some questions are just ignorant, such as “Don’t you know what causes that?” Um, yeah we do. “Don’t you have a TV?” Yeah, but if you think sex on tv is better then your doing it all wrong! These question seriously don’t even deserve an answer but the questions about finances make sense. 

I can remember only having one child and I met a mom expecting her *gasp* 4th baby! I asked her all sorts of questions about kids sharing rooms, how they afford that many kids, and of course I also wondered why they had that many. 

Here we are 20 years later, after Duane and I decided we only wanted one child, we are the ones getting these questions and comments. God certainly has a sense of humor and I love it!

Our children all share rooms and years ago when we were going to do an addition we were still only going to have two bedrooms for the kids; a girl's dorm and a boy's dorm.  We love the idea of our children sharing rooms! They are creating memories! They whisper, laugh, tell stories, and share secrets together. In the boy's room they also do lots of goofing off together! We feel that sharing a room is cultivating sibling closeness and it also teaches them to be selfless. One day when they are married they will already know what it means to be other centered. (and share closet space!)

We have made what some people consider “sacrifices” financially and maybe they are according to the world, but we are not of this world nor should our mentality towards children be of this world. Anything we may have “sacrificed” financially has been given back to us ten fold in the joy and happiness of having a large family. We may not drive the newest vehicle (though I don’t think the back seat would be big enough for us!) and may not have the biggest house (less to clean!) but the laughter in these walls is loud, very loud! Every child we have makes our happy all the louder! 

God’s word tells us that children are His greatest blessing and reward. His word also says “I have been young, and [now] am old; Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, Nor his children begging for bread.” Psalm 37:25. I am genuinely sad when I talk with people that chose or are choosing to not have more children based on finances. It truly grieves me and I can only imagine how God’s heart feels about this. To most of the people who are passed child bearing age and wanted more they live with such deep regret and it’s to late. My heart hurts for what they missed out on in life.

We are a modest single income family. We have simply made the choice to trust the Lord and His word when it comes to whether or not we have a child. How many people do you know that if they were offered more money, no matter how much they already made, would turn it down and say, “No thanks. We have plenty, we don’t need to be blessed anymore.” I’ve never heard anyone do that but yet our society, including Christians, does this on a regular basis when it comes to children. The pendulum has swung so far from the time when people wanted, desired, and prayed for more children. With that shift society has not improved, but drastically declined. Connection? I’m not sure.

Money is a temporal thing, and yes I know we need it to live in this life, but basing how many children (living souls who will dwell with you for eternity) you will have on money is not scriptural. We are  to “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5” If the Lord has given you the desire for another child then trust Him and take Him at His word, that He will meet your every need. It may not be up to the standards of this world, but when your happy is extra loud you won’t hear the world’s voices anyway.

Children are a gift from the LORD; 

they are a reward from him. 

Psalm 127:3

Election Dust

This was quite the election year, the dust is still settling from it. I don’t remember the last time we had an election so full of emotion. I know many Americans are very discouraged by the outcome, but are we forgetting the sovereignty of God? Now don’t get me wrong when I say this, but do we really think it is “our” vote that is going to make the decision? I’m all for voting and view it as our right and privilege and I choose to exercise that right, but I also know that it really doesn’t matter who I vote for in the big picture because God already has it under control.

Many are the plans in a man's heart,

 but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. 

Proverbs 19:21

Do we view our president as the one who is going to bring all the change to our country? We need to remember that he is only a man, not God. Whether you like Obama or not, we need to not only pray for him, but rest in the fact that once again we serve a Sovereign Lord and if He allowed the outcome to be this then He most certainly has things under control.

In his heart a man plans his course, 

but the LORD determines his steps. 

Proverbs 16:9

I am so thankful that I have a big God. In times of uncertainty we have a hope and a future. We can cling to the promises of the Lord and know that no matter what happens God is still on the throne. His promises never fail and He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

God reigns over the nations; 

God is seated on his holy throne. 

Psalm 47:8

Apparently one of my children weren’t happy with the election results. lol

Orphan Sunday

Today is Orphan Sunday.  What can you do today to make a difference? Every child matters to God and they should matter to us. Make a difference today! Consider sponsoring a child and giving them a hope and a future! Can you give up your Starbucks or eating out and put that money towards something that has eternal value? If you can't financially help out then today make the commitment to become a faithful prayer warrior on behalf of these children. When we do this for the least of these, we are doing it unto the Lord!

I have put a link to Every Orphans Hope in my sidebar. Consider clicking on the link and forever changing a child's life. 100% of your $27 goes toward the care of your child. That includes food, clothing, school supplies and healthcare. You’re not just sending money, you’re raising an orphan to life!

Not in my strength

Yesterday not much got accomplished around here. The kids and I got up and headed to the pound to register the dogs that I was cited for the day before. Ugh! I prayed the way there and asked the Lord to let me see the lady who I had been so fussy with the day before on my doorstep. He is faithful…she was there. This was good and bad. I knew what I needed to do.

When she came up to collect my paper work I said, “you probably don’t remember me”, to which her very flat answer was, “actually, yes I do.” Ouch! That hurts. I then proceeded to swallow hard and apologize for my attitude the day before. She really didn’t say much but asked if everything had been taken care of with my daughter. (I had been texting back and forth with Shelbie as she was at the police station dealing with her stolen bag when the pound lady showed up. Part of why I was feeling so fussy and stressed. No excuse though.)

I saw this lady again in the hallway as we waited in a crazy long line to pay. She shuffled past staring at the floor, looking, exhausted, tired, looking like she didn’t feel well and so worn out. My heart went out to her. Why didn’t I see that the day before? I was so self absorbed in my own “worries” that I failed to see this woman thru the eyes of Jesus.

The rest of the day thoughts of her flooded my mind and regret filled my heart that I failed what felt like a test to me. My day had been met with some challenges and instead of meeting those with God’s grace I met it with my own human strength. Nothing ever comes from my own strength.

I’m chalking this up to another hard lesson learned. It seems like I’ve had lots of those lessons in my life. Once again I’m so grateful for grace. I’m sorry for taking all of it from all of you! Thankfully He has a lot to give!

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”
II Corinthians 12:9

Giving God Glory in all Circumstances

This week has left me thinking and wondering. We have been praying for two different women and their families as they battle cancer.  One day one Mama went to be with Jesus leaving two very young children, and the very next day the other Mama was given a clean bill of health and declared cancer free and now can continue mothering her two young children.

The same prayers have been lifted up, but two different answers have been given. In each situation the Lord has been glorified, His name lifted high. How is this? It’s incredible and amazing. My heart grieves for the family left without a mama, and rejoices with the other that has a new lease on life.

I want to question and wonder why He chose to take one and leave the other.  It’s not my job though. He is sovereign and that is that! In both families the faith that has been shown is amazing and leaves me speechless. Does God deserve less praise in one situation that the other? No, not at all. His plans are perfect in each situation. It’s not my job to question but only offer up thanks and praise. He holds each family in the palm of His hand. He loves and cares for them equally.

We can’t look at the situation and base our response to the Lord on the outcome of the circumstance. He is good, always, everyday, in every good and even what we  may consider “bad” circumstance. He is to be trusted and praised. I’m so thankful I serve a God who loves and cares for me and my family. I can trust Him with our lives and know that He is faithful and just.

I don’t have to understand. I just need to keep trusting and keep praising. My eyes need to stay focused on Jesus. Tonight one sweet sister in Christ is dancing with Jesus, enjoying sweet fellowship with our Savior. My other sweet sister is tucking her sweet ones in bed, planning her day tomorrow. In both homes Christ is being lifted up and His name glorified.

Pray the hard thing

A sweet friend sent this video to me. As we prepare for Shelbie to leave, I am praying. It's not my will, but all His. This is not an easy way to pray as a mother. It's easy for me to pray for my children to be happy, to be healthy, and to succeed in life. I pray that they love the Lord with all their hearts, souls, and minds, but do I pray for them to have hardships in life that will refine them? Do I pray that the Lord sends them to the ends of the earth to proclaim His word? Do I pray that the Lord has complete control in their lives and uses them the way He see's fit, even if that may be painful or takes them away from me and my comfort zone for them?

I once again am challenged to do the the "hard thing". I have always told my children that if there are two paths to choose then always choose the hard road because that is the road that will produce more character in their lives and refine them into His image.

I am now having to practice what I have preached and take the hard road. It will refine me and Lord willing make me more into the image of my heavenly Father. As a mom I am challenged to pray the hard thing in mine and my children's lives.

(turn of the music in the sidebar. the song starts on 1:57)

The End of the Trail

We are coming to the end of this fundraising journey this week. A friend’s daughter offered to do a Pampered Chef party for Shelbie next week but our yard sale this weekend was actually the big finale that required lots of time and energy from us.

Yesterday, after the sale as I was straightening and cleaning in the garage I made my way to a shelf that we use for kitchen storage. For the last 3 1/2 months Shelbie has used one of these shelves to store all her jars and baking supplies for her cake pop and cake in a jar business that has pretty much consumed our lives since she started.

I started empting off the shelf, packing up jars, and planning in my head what I was going to do with a bit of extra storage space around here. (Extra space is in high demand in Neyville!) I was thinking to myself how glad I was that this season of fundraising was coming to an end. It has been so time consuming for all of us. School, a clean house, meals being served on time, and sleep have all suffered the last three months. On days that Shelbie had a large order our tiny kitchen would be swallowed up with cake pops. There was no room to get in to make dinner and instead of doing school her siblings would create an assembly line and rolling, dipping, decorating, and packaging orders.

I was thinking back to all the late nights Shelbie would be up after the house was quiet and the kitchen emptied so she could complete orders. I was pondering all those nights that I sacrificed sleep with her because I’m just one of those Mama’s that can’t go up to bed and sleep well knowing one of my little ones, or even not so little ones, are still up.  I was thinking how glad I was to put those 2:00 am nights behind us!  As I cleaned and was caught up with all these thoughts I was suddenly consumed with a flood of sadness and grief. I was excited to close this chapter of this journey and then it hit me that the next chapter would be her actually leaving. My heart felt like it just slammed into a brick wall.

Why did I think those late, sleepless nights would be gone? They will just be traded for nights spent in prayer for my little girl. Nights aching to give her a hug, or even just to hear her voice. Nights battling and wrestling with the “what if’s” that Satan likes to throw our way. Nights spent clinging to the hem of His garment and asking for another day to wake to His new mercies.

Our late dinner’s that so frustrated me will be exchanged for an empty seat at the table. We won’t need to drag in that extra chair from the schoolroom but we will all wish we had to. As we go around the table giving our high and low’s of the day, I’m sure most of us will have the same low…missing Shelbie.

School that didn’t get accomplished all these months will carry over to summer and we will all try to have some sort of a new “normal” without Shelbie. We will take on geography this summer and do lots of reading and studying on Africa so we can feel like we are learning a bit of what she will be living.

Once again I wonder why I’m such an impatient woman. So excited to hurry through and be done with this part of the journey instead of embracing and enjoying each moment and savoring all the Grace our God has showered on us each step of the way. So much Grace He has poured out! It’s amazing.

I know that as we this trail ends and the next one begins He will meet us there and supply our every need. My flesh is not yearning for the next chapter but my spirit knows He will finish the good work He has started and we will once again be the privileged recipients of more grace.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentaions 3:22-23

Be careful little mouth what you say..

We once had a very wise pastor friend that told us that he had so many young people over the years share with him that they wanted to be missionaries. They wanted to go out and light up the world for Jesus. Only a very few actually did. They were discouraged by family and friends who were frightened for their safety and put that fear and discouragement on those young people.

I think there is a reason that so many young people have the desire to be missionaries. They are untainted by the negativity of the world, their faith hasn’t yet been tarnished, and they still have that incredible gift of innocence. As adults we are often very pessimistic about the world, we watch the news and know of the dangers that are in this world. Something even more amazing happens when we become parents, the very things that we used to do as young people and weren’t afraid of are suddenly things we would not even consider letting our children do because of the danger surrounding them.

Somewhere between youth and adulthood something happens to us. Even though we know and read the Great Commission, we know God’s hearts for the lost, the lonely, and the hurting we are so worried about what “could” happen if we go out to reach these people, we let that fear overshadow our faith. And heaven forbid we send our children out “there”!

How many parents, relatives, or friends will stand before God and have Him ask them why they discouraged HIS young people to walk in the plan He had for their lives? How many souls will be lost for all eternity because that young person didn’t go out “there” because they were influenced by our fear?  I for one do not want to stand before the Lord on judgment day and have Him ask me why I stood in the way of His plan for my children’s life.

Even though we are adults I think we can learn a lot from that childhood song…

“Be careful little mouth what you say!”

My mouth shall speak wisdom, And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding.

 Psalm 49:3

Releasing

When Shelbie first started fundraising Duane and I really wondered how she could raise enough to go to Zambia. Duane and I said from the beginning that if the Lord wanted her to go that He would bring in the money. I’m going to be really transparent here. In my mind there was this strange security that if she couldn’t raise the money then she couldn’t go. I have spent a lot of time praying that the Lord would open or close the doors concerning this trip and that He would show us His perfect will for her.

Money for her trip is due May 1st and as we turn the corner to this deadline I know that this IS what the Lord has for her because He is bringing in the funding and blessing all her hard work in such amazing ways. Our sweet church had Shelbie speak Sunday on her trip a little and blessed her with a donation. On top of that we had two other families that day generously bless her. When we counted the money all I wanted to do was cry, okay, I did cry. It was a mixture of awe of what the Lord was doing but also the fact that I really realized that this trip is a reality. It is happening.

My Mama’s heart is so torn here. I want to hold on so tightly to Shelbie and not let her go. The thought of watching her board that plane and fly thousands of miles away from our care and protection is so very hard.  While I am trying to hold on the Lord is telling my heart to release and He quietly whispers to me and reminds me that she is HIS. HIS. HIS. She is only on loan to me.

Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you--guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. 2 Timothy 1:14

He has given us this awesome task of fashioning the destiny of these souls He has entrusted to us then we are to release and let them go out and be those arrows that bring light to this dark world and glory to Him. Releasing is not always easy. He loves Shelbie more than I can ever fathom. Why would I hesitate to release her to His care? I could never care for her the way He does. It is time to release that arrow. He wants to use our children in mighty ways. We just need to release.

Then He said to them, "The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. 
 Luke 10:2

Defining Necessity

About two weeks ago Duane and I upgraded our phones.  The place we upgraded at only had one choice for “dumb” Phones, everything else was smart phones. Since they were offering I Phones for free we ended up leaving them.

We had fun playing with our new phones and I absolutely loved being able to have a decent camera on a phone and best of all I was able to have the 1000 gifts app! What I didn’t love was the fact that I had to pay extra money to have a data package. We chose the very lowest data package they had but that was still an extra $20 a month per phone.  Jeff and Shyloh had joined us on a family plan that would save each couple $40 a month so having the new data package would have been a wash for us.

Neither Duane nor I had peace about our new phones even though each day we liked them more and more. I really had a hard time justifying the money that I was supposed to be saving. I also didn’t use the phone like most I Phone users. My wifi was kept off and because I was so worried about going over on my data I also kept my data shut off. It did have a great camera though, did I mention that?

Duane and I talked almost daily about what we should do with our new phones. We finally decided we needed to take them back. I admit I was really struggling with our decision until I saw these pictures the other day online…

These pictures apparently were going around online around Christmas time. I never saw them til now and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. My fun phone with the great camera and that awesome app lost all appeal when I saw these pictures.

We returned our phones last night and came home and found our old phones on ebay. We happily purchased them and today as I use my old old phone with the cracked screen and broken keys I am happy. Happy with my choice and decision. Please don’t think I am putting anyone down who has an I Phone, I am not. For me a phone just isn’t a necessity and with the money we are saving now it will allow me to sponsor another child thru Compassion International. I’ve been praying for the Lord to somehow give us the extra finances to do that for quite a while. Our whole reason for doing a family plan with Jeff and Shyloh was to save money and now I can use that to hopefully provide some necessities for a sweet child who otherwise wouldn’t have some of their basic needs met.

I look at my cracked phone and I feel happy tonight.

God’s Grace

There have been many times in my Christian walk that I have been humbled by God’s grace.  Today was one of those days.

We had the privilege of being invited to a sweet fellowship that wanted Shelbie to come and speak on her upcoming trip. This precious fellowship had never met us before yet they welcomed and embraced us like they had known us for years.

This small group of believers are some of the most zealous and passionate Christians I have ever had the blessing of meeting. I felt like we were meeting with believers straight out of the early New Testament. You could tell that not only do they have a deep love for the Lord but they live their lives zealously for Him and seek to bring Him glory in all they do.

They prayed over and encouraged Shelbie in her upcoming trip and they also blessed her with a donation for her Zambia fund. When we opened this envelope we were in complete awe! As I counted the money Shelbie cried in amazement. We were all so completely humbled at how this fellowship would take Shelbie under their wings to lift her up in prayer and then to also support her financially.

God has poured out His sovereign grace on us over and over and over as we have started this fundraising. In the beginning Duane and I just couldn’t see how this trip would be possible for Shelbie. We were obviously very weak in our faith but Shelbie was not. From the beginning she has said that if the Lord has truly called her to this then He will make it happen. As I sit here writing I can hardly swallow from the lump in my throat as I ponder on the day. This day, He has once again poured out His grace on us.

I am humbled. I am undeserving of all His goodness. I want and need to etch this in my mind. His glory was felt in an amazing way today by our whole family. I am reminded that we serve an awesome God and I should never underestimate His power. It’s all His grace! His beautiful undeserving grace!